With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust

Today had the potential to be my first real-life encounter with sex. Yes, for 24 years, I’ve survived in my naivety. My parents are still virgins. My high school colleagues kept it off school grounds. My mission apartments were all rated PG. But today was different. Towards the beginning of the week NM and GG both informed me that a “friend” would be staying the night on Friday. My female intuition kicked in immediately, so I asked for no further detail. (For those of you who don’t know, my room is separated from GG’s by a “Jack and Jill” bathroom with ill-fitting, latchless sliding doors. It works, but the privacy is minimal.) Around 7:30pm, I came downstairs already in “just about to go out for the night” mode. The four of us chatted and ate zucchini bread for a few minutes, and I was out. GG asked me if I was going out for a run (I detected no necessity in his question). After bumbling for a minute, I communicated that I was leaving to see a movie. Once they figured out what I was trying to say, GG and friend smiled and responded simultaneously with a hand sign and the phrase “poovie.” At first I was puzzled, but then it made sense. Make a consonant “P” and then an “M” sound and pay close attention to your lips. Can you see a difference? As far as I know, putting your hand an inch in front of your mouth is the only way to distinguish the two if you can’t hear, and how many people are going to do that?

It worked out perfectly, GG didn’t have to feel about bout putting me in a potentially awkward position, and I got to continue my naivety believing that sexual attraction exists only between attractive women and myself. Still, I left in violation of my morals; I went to a theatre alone. Knowing that I could have bought a new DVD or CD for the same amount, I reluctantly gave the nice lady my $8.50 and entered the theatre with fingers crossed. I guessed that “Thank you for Smoking” was the only movie with potential.

I think I guessed correctly.

This movie was one of my three favorite types. I call it a “life” movie. Aaron Eckhart is the main lobbyist for a tobacco company. He’s slick but not slimy. Throughout the film he poses several good questions and generates a fun atmosphere. I could learn a lot from his character. A little like SLC Punk and many other movies, this film has occasional pauses and narrations by the main character. I like this style. Rather than arguing that “evil” is subjective, Eckhart’s character claims that by definition, arguing is not about truth. It’s about being right, and the person who argues is always is. Pretty much everyone is a hypocrite. A Vermont senator (the always exellent William H. Macey) is pushing a skull and cross-bones sticker for every cigarette pack in America. Without giving away too much, in the final conflict, Eckhart reminds Macey that deaths from lung cancer are miniscule in comparison to those from high cholesterol. What is notorious for raising cholesterol? Vermont cheddar cheese of course, so why no poison sticker there? This movie was potent enough to enjoy, but not so contrived, I gagged at a lack of believability. Though the one and a quarter sex scenes have no nudity, sound effects, or passion, the movie is still an adult comedy and certainly worth seeing.
White Houses-Vanessa Carleton