Gonna chase my dreams and catch up to them

A few years ago, I had to make a decision. “Do I want to get good at fixing things or do I want to get good at fixing people? I can’t do both.” I weighed out the pros and cons of each side and decided I would prefer to learn to fix things.

I decided that things were better to deal with professionally because they don’t have emotions. I can forget about them and come back whenever I want. Things are more intellectually progressive (for me) than people, and they are usually more useful. I feared that a career dedicated to fixing people would consume me and not allow time for a family or anything else. A career dealing with things was much more likely to be a 9-5.

Since then, I’ve been slowly becoming a thing expert, confident that I made the right choice for me. From time to time, I look back and wonder if I should have done it differently. Last night was one of those nights. I can’t remember the last time I felt this vulnerable or even this afraid. Basically, my sister had a serious reaction to some strong antibiotics prescribed by her doctor for a urinary tract infection. After the infection cleared, she developed something else. After being uber sick for over a week, the doctor decided she needed a colonoscopy. Translation: he had no idea what the hell was going on. Things went from bad to worse, and I was helpless to do anything. Finally, I called a doctor/friend and in 60 seconds knew the problem and necessary medication with 95% assurance. All it took was that tiny piece of information, but it was a piece I didn’t have and couldn’t logically deduce on my own.

So right now I can say that I do regret the decision to take the direction I have. I know there will be more days like this. Yet l also know that on most days, I’m grateful I didn’t take that direction. I think I’ll always be torn like this as I will always have a problem with being vulnerable. I need to accept the fact that no one is completely impervious. Everyone has weaknesses, and sadly, so do I.