I'm ringing all the warning bells Careful or you'll hurt yourself. Others lie lie lie, they adore you.

Yes, I wish my life were more interesting too.

In general, I think we Mormon’s are a pessimistic, self-degrading people bent on doomsday. We are the dust of the earthy; we are the unworthy servants. The world IS going to get more wicked, and we are powerless to stop it on anything more than a small scale. Though I understand the uses of this standpoint as I understand the audiences for which such discourses were made, I wonder if the effects have a negative side too.

I’m naturally a skeptical person. I have a hard time taking people at their words, yet I insist that they do just that for me. It’s not that I believe I’m better or have more integrity. I simply feel that my comments should be self-sustaining. If they weren’t true, why on earth would I make them.

Examples:

#1. Generic: “Wow, you look great today!”
Respsonse:”No, I don’t. I never look very good.”

#2. Me:”I think you’re beautiful” (I can count on a couple fingers the number of times I've made this comment)
Response: “Thank you.”
Thought –“I’m not beautiful, he must just be trying to make me feel good about myself.”
My thought: “I bet she doesn’t believe me. As well as she knows me, how could she possibly think such a thing?"

#3. Friend: “Mike, I like being around you.”
Me: “Thanks, I like being around you too.”
My thought: “This girl is great, but there’s no way she REALLY likes being around me. I’m sure she just thinks I need a pick-me-up.”

These mini conversations go on inside my head all the time. No matter what I say, I will expect you to believe me because, like I always say, I’m not a nice person. I don’t say things just because I think they will make you feel all warm and gushy inside. Granted, I want you to feel good about yourself, but I don't believe in compromising the truth to do so.

Flip it. If you say something nice to me, I WILL NOT believe you even if you swear on your dead pet's grave that it's the truth. For some reason, it’s unreasonable to think that I might indeed be someone a person likes to have around. I may eventually believe you, but I bet it will take you a good six months to beat it into my head.

People are funny that way. Everyone has double standards. No, I don’t think it’s King Benjamin’s fault. In fact, I think he was a great guy, and I would do better to follow more closely his counsel. Still, I wonder if I was ever taught not to believe people or if I’m jus plain stubborn that way. Maybe all Mormon's are stubborn. Maybe all humans are stubborn.