We once walked out on the beach and once I almost touched your hand. How I dreamed to finally say such things yet only to pretend.

It’s Saturday morning, and I’m fighting two mirrors in attempt to cut my hair in the back. My phone rings, so I stumble over to it, hands covered in hair, “Mike, I’m freaking out. I’m almost hyperventilating!!!” One of my bestest closest friends, Purdue Girl, was driving to a Church History museum in Missouri to meet THE GUY. She was introduced to him through a friend about a month ago. Email correspondence turned to phone correspondence which then turned to “talking until 3:00am” correspondence. In five minutes, she was going to meet him in person for the first time. As background, she had driven home to St. Louis for a couple weeks from Indiana. TG lived a few hours away, so it was a good opportunity for them to meet.

“WHY am I so nervous? I’m NOT like this.” “Because you’re playing for real this time. Trust me, I know how you feel. The most nerve racking moment of my life was a similar situation. Playing for real is stressful because you’re afraid of messing up. The outcome DOES matter this time. So what would you like? I can patiently listen as you explain your feelings and calm your nerves, or I can tell you what to do.” “I don't know what the hell is going on, tell me what to do." (I should have savoured the moment. I may never get that request again.)

In a nutshell, I told PG to breathe and the new situation changes nothing. When you play for real, you feel extra pressure to make things work, to the point of being somebody else even. Yet we know we’re not supposed to be somebody else, so red flags start going off everywhere. People get so lost in the moment, they forget that no matter what happens, the sun still rises in the East and credit card bills wait for no man. The good news is that unlike mine, this story has a happy ending (so far).

Talking to PG yesterday and last Saturday resurrected a few memories in me.

Love is absolutely the greatest in the woyld. To the best of my knowledge, the one thing better than being in love and absolutely enthralled with someone who deserves such admiration is having that feeling be mutual. It’s sad, but I think a lot of people go through life without those feelings. I think some even get married without them.

What does a person do when there is a void of love in their life? Becoming obsessed with something I don’t have is a trap that grabs me on my low days. I have a hard time imagining my life without love, yet occasionally, such a future seems rather likely. And the more I think about it, the more I obsess/worry, and the more unhealthy my thoughts become. Now that many of my closest friends are finding SO’s that are S in the long term sense of the word, I have to take a step back and observe. “How did this happen? Why did this happen? Am I doing something wrong? Am I doing anything right?” Unfortunately, I can only reach one real conclusion. Time and location do their own thing. (That and giving up and hiding in a pit with lots of cats is still a bad idea…for now.)

If you don't, don't - Jimmy Eat World