Friend 1 was dating Person 1, then dumped by P1, then dating P1 again, engaged to P1, almost dumped by P1, engaged again, postponed by P1, on again, almost dumped again, back on again, and it’s not over yet.
A few of F1's friends are furious with P1. "How can F1 put up with P1!!!? How can F1 live with P1's self after hurting F1 so much. How can F1 continue to forgive P1? GAAHHHHH!!!! P1 can do soooo much better….P1 DESERVES better…"
There is a lot to be said here, but it's not my place. I will however make an observation on a theme I am only beginning to grasp.
F1 is not out of F1's mind. F1 is in love.
Unfortunate for my emotions, I have yet to understand how love works, but luckily, the last three years have taught me to identify it at the very least. To me (and yes I'm vastly over simplifying here), romantic love is the unconditional desire to be with someone. The power this feeling has on a person is unimaginable. And honestly, it's a great thing when shared by the other party. It holds people together, makes life better, happier.
What happens then, when love isn't shared with equal intensity? Should a person try to "make" it work or should he/she walk away concluding as did Elliott Smith in this post’s heading?
The emotional abuse of P1 is unacceptable, yet the happiness seen in F1 during the good times is unparalleled. How should a friend respond? Should a friend respond at all?
If F1 were to ask me, what advice would I give? I honestly don't know. As a friend, I say, "Walk away, you can find someone who treats you better, loves you more deeply, commits to you without hesitation, and appreciates you in ways P1 could never conceive." As Mike I say, "NEVER give up. No battle is lost!! All problems have solutions. People can change. You CAN win!" As an optimist, I say, "It CAN work! P1 will figure things out how great you are. P1 is young and will mature soon enough." As a pessimist, "You will never find anyone else better. P1 has flaws, but so does everyone else. At least you know about P1’s problems. You should stick with it." As a realist, I say, "6 billion people in this world, and only one of them can make you happy? COME ON..." As a brother, I would say, "Where is this SOB that I might scatter his entrails across I-15."
It's 3 to 3; I guess the choice is up to F1 after all. In chemical thermodynamics, engineers spend one semester learning about the ideal and the rest of their careers learning to understand/work with the nonidealites. How could people be any less complicated?
6 comments:
Oh the drama of F1 and P1. I don't hate P1, but he definitely needs to get his act together. Maybe I should call F1 despite the fact that it costs a buck a minute to call from here.
I hope I fall in love with a nice guy who isn't a dip like P1. That's all I have to say.
I'm pretty sure we are talking about the same person, right?
Love: can't live with it, wouldn't want to live without it
It would be so convenient if we could live without love in our lives. It's so easy to endure all sorts of nonsense because we love the person doing it to us - we just think that if we endure a little bit longer, just take it a little bit more, then eventually they'll finally start treating us the way we wished they would. Humans are such fools.
(By the way - you look really very good in a goatee. And I don't even like facial hair on most people.)
But lovable ones :)
(Thanks for the compliment. If I ever make it back to SLC, I'm curious to hear what people have to say about it. No one out here has seen me without it to compare.)
Lecture #583 at my house is: "It should be easy."
If there's that much turmoil in their relationship (as much as I love both of them), maybe it would be better if they waited. *shrug* Just because they liked each other Freshman year (I think?) doesn't mean that they're "meant" to get married.
I doubt waiting will do anything more than prolong the frustration. Sometimes people need something more physically significant than a ring to keep them tapped into reality.
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